Congratulations. You have been twats in uniforms on skates for six fucking years

A ''special'' division of London police on roller blades that patrolled the city's parks have been disbanded because ''law breakers'' ''ran off'' across ''the'' grass.
This cunning ploy used by a range of criminal masterminds, including kids shouting ''WANKER'', old people taking a dump in park bins, and other ne'er do wells, meant our ''berks-on-the-beat'' had to ''stop'' and ''take their skates off'' once they got to the turf.
By the time the ''in-line idiots'' undone the skates and put on some proper shoes, "wee" Jimmy had shouted ''YOU FUCKING COCKS'' and bounded over the park fence, bought a 99, and was already stealing Haribo chews from Europa.
Meanwhile the pensioner has wiped, done up their trousers, and after waiting a couple of minutes, comfortably boarded the 96 bus, for free, after being helped on with their zimmerframe.
How an earth could it have taken six years for anyone to notice they weren't arresting anyone? ''Apparently'' they had a ''great'' collection of leg warmers though.