KIDS TO ''GO FREE'' ON TUBE ALL DAY

Shopkeepers, bus drivers, children's entertainers, nannies and drug dealers were today celebrating the news that under-11s will now be able to travel free on the tube all day.
"If it means they'll spend less time in my shop nicking stuff, then hallelujah!" said an unusually evangelic shop-owner near a local school in Acton.
"And they won't be on my fucking bus smoking weed any more if they can go underground," said Red ''The Bus'' Busman, London's most famous bus driver, who, conveniently, was buying his weekly selection of porn magazines in the shop at the time.
Some Londoners thought maybe it was an opportunity to solve the growing problem of child care in the capital. Banging Bonzo, the noisy clown, told E.R. ''It's a great opportunity. If we have under-11 carriages set aside, then traditional entertainers like me could keep the kids happy with our ker-razy antics. I burst balloons.''
Others expecting to profit from the move include nannies who can drop the kid off on the circle line and pick them up 6 hours later after a day in a local spa or drinking vodka.
Weed dealers were mixed about the move, as many were too paranoid to go underground.
But sweet machines on platforms were being double-stocked to ensure the underground did its bit to rot teeth and make the kids fat, as well as to satisfy munchies from a cheeky spliff with their mates on the hammersmith and city line after school.
The numbers of children is expected to reach a peak during that difficult after-school-but-before-you-get-a-bollocking-from-your-mum period, roughtly 3-30pm until 9.30pm.
The move is intended to encourage families to travel by tube. Families have been the last to return to the underground since the terror offences last summer.