Why is it always yoghurt?
If you're a man, there's one food you don't want to get down your trousers - yoghurt.
Which is why, when I dropped one bag of shopping in Sainsburys today, in the split second before it hit the ground, a glimpse of the horror that was to 'come' was already in my mind.
Yoghurt, not in your single portion pot, but in the 500ml pure white organic bio bastard pot, was about to hit the floor from about four feet. I dipped to my knees instinctively, rather than what I should have done, which is run. The plastic yoghurt pot crumpled under the force, exploding upwards over my arms, jacket, and yes, of course, the trousers.
I think it might have sounded quite loud as it exploded, as a woman from customer services came rushing over with tissues.
I looked like a man who had just finished the night shift in mr spunk's spunky spunk factory.
After mopping myself down they let me replace all the yoghurt-smothered shopping, and indeed the pesky pot iself.
I made sure I carried them home carefully, feeling slightly flustered, like an embarassed teenager with pockets full of greasy tissues.