JOIN THE BRITISH ARMY
* Travel the world and get a uniform
* Be bullied and watch your friends commit suicide in training
(4 soldiers at the notorious UK Deepcut barracks committed suicide. There will be no criminal inquiry into how one solidier managed to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head - TWICE).
* Go through bizarre bonding rituals including grappling naked with your colleagues in mud and shaving foam.
* Get given broken or patched up equipment
* Don't get given a sattelite phone (even when they are available) and then die in an Iraqi ambush.
* Kick the shit out of unarmed foreign teenagers
* Humiliate your enemy in jail and learn new photographic composition techniques from your American cousins
* Never see either of those royal cunts William and Harry that are alledgedly comrades in arms
* Fight illegal wars
* Er, did we mention the travel the world bit and the uniform? Then we're done.