OFFICIAL: BLOOD DIAMOND PARTIES ARE RUBBISH

Five ugly birds who never quite made it as models but are obviously packed with inner beauty, one bottle of booze, no one's got a fucking lighter even though they all smoke, the hostess is using Google to find out what happened 13 years ago because she was too pissed to remember, and I bet they are listening to Simply Red. That bloke in the shorts is telling the girls why a teepee is the must-have for their next Glamping trip. I've obviously got to be careful what I say because a court case is in process. Cunts.