WHY GOING MENTAL IS SOMETIMES THE ONLY CHOICE
Since E.R. finds the concept of money and bills rather vulgar, these are dealt with off-site by the landlady of E.R. offices, who works elsewhere.
As ever, aware that ordinary people are given the jobs they have to do and not necessarily want to do, I have always been courteous on the phone to those that call up.
But after two or three times, it became a little bit of a chore, so I asked them to not ring again. I asked, that since the account holder was at work, I would never make any decision about finances on a phone to a stranger reading a script, but if they sent details or told me the web page, I would promise to look.
And asked them not to call again.
That was approximately 8 months ago, and they still call.
I've asked them if there is a mark on their computer they can put against this telephone number to ensure that they do not call.
They say there is and they will do it.
But still they call.
I lost my temper with one yesterday, and finally cracked. It went something like this:
"E.R.: Good morning, you're through to the offices of E.R.
CC: Hello is Ms XXX XXX there please?
E.R.: No, they aren't.
CC: Could you tell me when they will be in please?
CC: It's Sky TV here
E.R.: Is there a problem with the bill?
E.R.: I've asked 20 times before to stop calling here if there isn't a problem. Why are you calling? I've asked you to take this number off the list.
CC: We'd like to offer you...
E.R.: So there isn't a problem with the bill?
CC: No, can you tell me when the bill payer will be in please?
E.R.: Where do you live?
CC: I'm not allowed to give out that information.
E.R.: Where do you live?
E.R.: Can you tell me who you live with?
CC: I have a husband. Why?
E.R.: What time does your husband get home from work?
E.R.: Because we are customers of yours, you know my address don't you?
CC: Yes. I can't tell you when my husband gets home sir.
E.R.: And you want me to tell you when we are here and when we are not, don't you?
CC: I just want to talk to Ms XXX about some new extra...
E.R.: I want to know where you live, and what time your husband gets home. Then I will tell you when we're home, it's only fair.
CC: I'm not going to tell you that sir.
E.R.: You want me to tell you what time the bill payer gets home to this address - and you know my address. Why can't I have the same details from you?
CC: I just wanted to tell you about the extra channels that you can now get on...
E.R.: If you do tell me your address, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wait outside your house for your husband. When he arrives home I'm going to cut his head off with an axe and shit down his throat. If you have kids I'm going to break their arms and legs and fit them in the smallest boxes I can find and then Fed-Ex them to Gary Glitter's prison cell in Vietnam. Then I'm going to find out where your parents are buried, dig up the remains, and film myself urinating in the eyes of their skulls, and then send you the video on a Christmas day far off into future when you've stopped grieving about your kids and dead decapitated husband.
Please understand I am a very sick and violent man.
Please don't call here again.
Anyway, so far, so good. No calls today, and Fridays are usually busy.
Hopefully I have been put on a register of nutters to never call.
And be left in peace.