WHY GOING MENTAL IS SOMETIMES THE ONLY CHOICE
Since E.R. began, those pesky people at the phone/gas/satellite tv company have been ringing up to see whether we want to change (ie spend more money on) the phone/gas/satellite tv deal we already have.
Since E.R. finds the concept of money and bills rather vulgar, these are dealt with off-site by the landlady of E.R. offices, who works elsewhere.
As ever, aware that ordinary people are given the jobs they have to do and not necessarily want to do, I have always been courteous on the phone to those that call up.
But after two or three times, it became a little bit of a chore, so I asked them to not ring again. I asked, that since the account holder was at work, I would never make any decision about finances on a phone to a stranger reading a script, but if they sent details or told me the web page, I would promise to look.
And asked them not to call again.
That was approximately 8 months ago, and they still call.
And call.
And call.
And call.
I've asked them if there is a mark on their computer they can put against this telephone number to ensure that they do not call.
They say there is and they will do it.
But still they call.
And call.
And call.
I lost my temper with one yesterday, and finally cracked. It went something like this:
Phone rings.
"E.R.: Good morning, you're through to the offices of E.R.
CC: Hello is Ms XXX XXX there please?
E.R.: No, they aren't.
CC: Could you tell me when they will be in please?
E.R.: Why?
CC: It's Sky TV here
E.R.: Is there a problem with the bill?
CC: No.
E.R.: I've asked 20 times before to stop calling here if there isn't a problem. Why are you calling? I've asked you to take this number off the list.
CC: We'd like to offer you...
E.R.: So there isn't a problem with the bill?
CC: No, can you tell me when the bill payer will be in please?
E.R.: Where do you live?
CC: I'm not allowed to give out that information.
E.R.: Where do you live?
CC: Why?
E.R.: Can you tell me who you live with?
CC: I have a husband. Why?
E.R.: What time does your husband get home from work?
CC: Why?
E.R.: Because we are customers of yours, you know my address don't you?
CC: Yes. I can't tell you when my husband gets home sir.
E.R.: And you want me to tell you when we are here and when we are not, don't you?
CC: I just want to talk to Ms XXX about some new extra...
E.R.: I want to know where you live, and what time your husband gets home. Then I will tell you when we're home, it's only fair.
CC: I'm not going to tell you that sir.
E.R.: You want me to tell you what time the bill payer gets home to this address - and you know my address. Why can't I have the same details from you?
CC: I just wanted to tell you about the extra channels that you can now get on...
E.R.: If you do tell me your address, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wait outside your house for your husband. When he arrives home I'm going to cut his head off with an axe and shit down his throat. If you have kids I'm going to break their arms and legs and fit them in the smallest boxes I can find and then Fed-Ex them to Gary Glitter's prison cell in Vietnam. Then I'm going to find out where your parents are buried, dig up the remains, and film myself urinating in the eyes of their skulls, and then send you the video on a Christmas day far off into future when you've stopped grieving about your kids and dead decapitated husband.
Please understand I am a very sick and violent man.
Please don't call here again.
Ever.
Bye. "
Anyway, so far, so good. No calls today, and Fridays are usually busy.
Hopefully I have been put on a register of nutters to never call.
And be left in peace.
Since E.R. finds the concept of money and bills rather vulgar, these are dealt with off-site by the landlady of E.R. offices, who works elsewhere.
As ever, aware that ordinary people are given the jobs they have to do and not necessarily want to do, I have always been courteous on the phone to those that call up.
But after two or three times, it became a little bit of a chore, so I asked them to not ring again. I asked, that since the account holder was at work, I would never make any decision about finances on a phone to a stranger reading a script, but if they sent details or told me the web page, I would promise to look.
And asked them not to call again.
That was approximately 8 months ago, and they still call.
And call.
And call.
And call.
I've asked them if there is a mark on their computer they can put against this telephone number to ensure that they do not call.
They say there is and they will do it.
But still they call.
And call.
And call.
I lost my temper with one yesterday, and finally cracked. It went something like this:
Phone rings.
"E.R.: Good morning, you're through to the offices of E.R.
CC: Hello is Ms XXX XXX there please?
E.R.: No, they aren't.
CC: Could you tell me when they will be in please?
E.R.: Why?
CC: It's Sky TV here
E.R.: Is there a problem with the bill?
CC: No.
E.R.: I've asked 20 times before to stop calling here if there isn't a problem. Why are you calling? I've asked you to take this number off the list.
CC: We'd like to offer you...
E.R.: So there isn't a problem with the bill?
CC: No, can you tell me when the bill payer will be in please?
E.R.: Where do you live?
CC: I'm not allowed to give out that information.
E.R.: Where do you live?
CC: Why?
E.R.: Can you tell me who you live with?
CC: I have a husband. Why?
E.R.: What time does your husband get home from work?
CC: Why?
E.R.: Because we are customers of yours, you know my address don't you?
CC: Yes. I can't tell you when my husband gets home sir.
E.R.: And you want me to tell you when we are here and when we are not, don't you?
CC: I just want to talk to Ms XXX about some new extra...
E.R.: I want to know where you live, and what time your husband gets home. Then I will tell you when we're home, it's only fair.
CC: I'm not going to tell you that sir.
E.R.: You want me to tell you what time the bill payer gets home to this address - and you know my address. Why can't I have the same details from you?
CC: I just wanted to tell you about the extra channels that you can now get on...
E.R.: If you do tell me your address, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wait outside your house for your husband. When he arrives home I'm going to cut his head off with an axe and shit down his throat. If you have kids I'm going to break their arms and legs and fit them in the smallest boxes I can find and then Fed-Ex them to Gary Glitter's prison cell in Vietnam. Then I'm going to find out where your parents are buried, dig up the remains, and film myself urinating in the eyes of their skulls, and then send you the video on a Christmas day far off into future when you've stopped grieving about your kids and dead decapitated husband.
Please understand I am a very sick and violent man.
Please don't call here again.
Ever.
Bye. "
Anyway, so far, so good. No calls today, and Fridays are usually busy.
Hopefully I have been put on a register of nutters to never call.
And be left in peace.
posted by ENGLISH RANTER at Friday, May 05, 2006
10 Comments:
What are the odds that she got straight on the phone to the cops?
I hope so. I want a test case of the intrusion of privacy by calling when you've asked politely several dozen times to stop. Bring on the coppers!
Good for you. These people really piss me off. Especially when they call at 8pm and later.
Damn..
And just when i was about to call you with an amazing deal that will make you money..WHILE you lose weight !
Don't you have a National Register in the UK like we have here? Any time a company calls, you get their number and report it to the register, and they get fined. It works too.
Good on yer, ER.
Well, that told them, I have a feeling you may now be on the 'do not call' list.
Ron, yes there is a register but it only applies to cold calling. If you are customer of a company they believe they can call you whenever they like. I either put the phone down and let them talk to themselves, or pretend I can't understand a word they say.
my dad just tells m he's dead n thay take him off tha list
I screen me calls through the answering machine. Unless I'm bored then I talk to them about Jesus or something :)
I've tried everything to stop them calling me. Nothing works. I once told the phone monkey that all the people that lived in the house were dead and I was simply squatting. They still tried to sell me some guff.
we used to have a double glazing firm ( safestyle uk) ringing us EVERY DAY! they once rang five, YES FIVE, times in one afternoon by which time i cracked as you did and swore like a docker at the top of my voice for a good five minutes. they agreed to never ring us again. twenty minutes later there is a knock at the door, and stood there is a fresh faced young lad in a suit two sizes too big, who looks like he should be at home doing his schoolwork,
"good evening sir, i am from safestyle uk......"
needless to say, after threatening to punch his teeth down his throat, kick his balls up to meet them, and set the dog on him, he fled with tears in his prepubesent eyes and me still shouting after him about prosecuting for tresspass if anyone from his company set foot on my property again.
felt sorry for the poor fool ever since!
why knock on a double glazed house and ask if they had ever considered it?
as for phone calls, tell them you have just been notified of redundancy that morning! worked for a mate of mine. no calls in about 6 years!
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