EXCLUSIVE: "GROUND ZERO MOSQUE" ARCHITECTS REVEAL FIRST SKETCHES

Hmm, I can see why that might upset a few people.

CHERNOBYL - THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

I suspect that this girl hasn't forgotten the word Chernobyl, so it was interesting to hear today that the nuclear leak from the Russian power station meltdown 24 years ago was back in the news. She was one of numerous deformed children born after the disaster, cared for at the Rechitsa orphanage in Belarus, the area worst hit by the radiation leak all those years ago.

But when it comes to nuclear leaks, the phrase "all those years ago" in a human context is so badly out of place, as the fires in Russia today reached areas still riddled with radiation - and throwing plumes of radioactive ash back into the air, spreading the poison hundreds of miles across Europe once again.

Just as I reported on this blog four years ago, cancers from the leak have killed 20,000 people in the UK alone. But alas, the war on terror is still in place, but the war on nuclear power disappears in the usual bluster of political careers and a race to get rich before we die.

Energy Secretary Chris Huhne, one of those power-hungry Liberals who would rather put his head between his legs and sniff his own arse crack than look at himself in the mirror, has in recent weeks told the press there are communities in this country hungry for a new nuclear power stations, and is about to embark on the biggest nuclear programme the UK has ever seen.

UP YOURS! CONFUSED 64-YEAR-OLD SAYS BECKHAM IS TOO OLD FOR ENGLAND

If I'm not mistaken, retirement is a decision for the individual at 34, rather than the manager - especially for a job you don't get paid for.

Obviously being 30 years older than Beckham gives Capello  the excuse of being so confused that he was allowed to pick a fucking useless squad for the World Cup. In two years time his retirement will be compulsory in the UK, but only an organisation as inept as the FA could know this and extend his contract by five years.

Not only did Capello decide it was his right to say that Beckham had retired from English football without consulting England's most-capped player, he also thought it was a good idea to tell 6 million TV viewers first.

Afterwards, his alzheimers obviously prevented him from picking up the phone and dialling Beckham's number to even explain his words, so he got Baldini to do it instead.

What the fuck are we messing about with this cunt for? I don't care if he's any good, he's a wanker.

I don't care about DB, he's had enough luck to see him through, but this man is clearly a shitball with all the people skills of Stalin with a headache. Mussolini with the shits. Hitler with herpes.

Worse than that, he's making fat Sam Allardyce seem like a cuddly uncle.

OFFICIAL: BLOOD DIAMOND PARTIES ARE RUBBISH

Five ugly birds who never quite made it as models but are obviously packed with inner beauty, one bottle of booze, no one's got a fucking lighter even though they all smoke, the hostess is using Google to find out what happened 13 years ago because she was too pissed to remember, and I bet they are listening to Simply Red. That bloke in the shorts is telling the girls why a teepee is the must-have for their next Glamping trip. I've obviously got to be careful what I say because a court case is in process. Cunts.

PAY £40 TO BOO ENGLAND'S FOOTBALL TEAM AT WEMBLEY

How ridiculous. Only a true England supporter would do that.

EXPECT TO SEE A LOT MORE OF THIS TOSSER BEFORE THE CUTS BITE

The Junior Minister responsible for forwarding the idea of taking free nursery school milk away from UK under-5s has found himself at the centre of a classic government public relations sting, something that long-term political watchers will be familiar with.

While the Labour government infamously made a name for themselves by “burying” bad news behind major headlines, their “more, more, more” approach to public spending brought very little need for this kind of stunt, apart from when dealing with the Post Office unions (“Mandleson is going to privatise you! Agree to this shit pay rise and we’ll stop him!”).

There is of course the slim possibility that a Conservative minister, no matter how junior, in charge of education, had thought that the phrase “Thatcher, Thatcher, the milk snatcher” had lasted so long because this merited one of The Not Quite Walking Dead’s greatest achievements.

After all, their boss already claimed Jamie Oliver’s healthy school meals idea was a waste of time, something that anyone who has sent a child to state school in the last 15 years knows is an absolute and utter lie.

Meanwhile, He’s Just Like You Dave’s whole premise of the Big Society (aka B.S.), is that while he shares Thatcher’s crusade to destroy Big Government, the only reason that the country descended into a crime-ridden, ruthless dirty little shithole with pavements crowded with the homeless under her was that it didn’t have a thoroughly good bloke in charge telling everyone to calm down and be nice.

Thatcher at least knew that pretending to care about the people she destroyed would look like hypocrisy, and instead sent in the old bill to kick the shit out of them. HJLY Dave is banking on “the debt” to be a plausible argument for unravelling state provision while his seat-sniffing Liberal bed…, er, …wetters suck their thumbs and wait for the Alternative Vote.

Like a sleeping infant who’s drunk too much milk from the tit of mother Liberty, the Liberals believe that a better democracy will one day wipe these off-white sticky sick stains from the front of their parliamentary babygrows – just like that cuddly nanny they still remember fondly.

Which brings us neatly back to the question of scrapping milk for the under-5s. This was no more a plausible policy (if only in the name of political suicide) than this coalition agreeing to ban Page 3 girls.

Since the BBC journalist responsible for breaking this story received his copy from the Shadow Education Secretary, it is unlikely that it was ever intended that this proposal become part of Government policy.

Instead, like a mythical Superman saving us from a mythical asteroid that was never going to hit, up steps David Cameron to tell us that apparently this kind of thing just isn’t the sort of nasty shit that this Government has planned.

The message this stunt was quite obviously spelling out in capital letters was this:
WE ARE GOING TO DO LOADS OF CUNTY THINGS BUT WE ARE NOT THATCHER.

Of course, many of the cunty things they have planned are beyond Thatcher’s most nightmarish fantasy. But by this clever little press play, they have given the illusion that what is to come is bad, but not that bad.

Expect more unexpected scare stories near you – hospitals narrowly saved after U-turns, or the 66 broken schools who are now getting their buildings replaced after they were first told they wouldn’t.

Who knows, even the UK Film Council might get a reprisal. But let’s hope not.