Friday, June 16, 2006

BAD NEWS - HAWKING IS RIGHT

Stephen Hawking has caused a bit of a stir by telling mankind to inhabit the moon, Mars, and to start finding another place to live - and be quick about it.
The message from one of the world's brainiest men is simple - that one way or another technology, science, development, pollution, disease, overcrowding, religion or nature will destroy the earth.
The latter part of this theory is one supported in part by John Gray, in his insightful book Al Qaeda And What It Means To Be Modern. Gray isn't a scientist like Hawking, he's the Professor of European Thought at the London School of Economics. But don't let that put you off. While the book is already a year or two old, the predictions it makes are as up to date and as stark as ever.
With the population of the world not set to level off until it reaches the 10 billion mark, Gray argues that a scarcity of resources, combined with the clash between liberal evangelists and islamic fundamentalists will result in the huge devastation of societies and possibly the planet itself.
Drawing on conclusions such as that the Rwanda genocide was primarily fuelled by lack of water, that Gulf States have populations that double roughly every 20 years, that poverty, instability and faith create wars, and that no economic system recognizes a solution to finite resources and global warming, Gray argues that the modern world will be one of violence, corruption, and destruction.
The concept of a modern world as a better one is a relatively new one.
Gray proves that Al Qaeda and other violent factions are modern - funded by drugs, aided by the internet, and with access to weapons of mass destruction. The belief that this is a clash of civilisations is wrong. Al Qaeda are using the "modernity" of the West to try and destroy it.
That is not a clash, that is war, and war of the most modern kind.
One thing that Hawking doesn't explain in his statement, however, is how the conflicts of human nature on the earth will be eradicated in space.
For surely the voyagers upon his spacecraft to new worlds would be no more than supersonic versions of the pilgrims (and later, immigrants) that travelled to America and Australia to find a new beginning hundreds of years ago.
A new beginning which many Americans feel is superior to the established cultures of the past.
In Tasmania, Europeans slaughtered the aboriginies they found who had established a relationship with the earth that had maintained their existence, and the environment on which they survived, for thousands of years.
In America, the war with native American Indians again at best has brought European diseases of alcoholism, gambling, greed and war to peoples who had lived in relative harmony with their surroundings (though not necessarily with each other) for thousands of years.
And finally the violent society of America, the drug and gun culture of America, the paranoid foreign policies of American politicians, and the destruction of the planet through ever increasing consumption, IS America's brave new world.
And it will destroy it.
It seems ironic then, that the only country able to economically achieve Hawking's dream of inhabiting other worlds will be Americans.
Given their track record, maybe it's best that we all stay put.
What might be the best thing to hope for is that one of Hawking's apocolyptic predictions comes true - and fast.
Maybe that a meteor wipes us all out before we can set about fucking up another eden, another new world, or another bright new beginning.
Still, let's hope it waits til after the end of the footy. Sod's law is sure to mean that England will be 2-0 up against Brazil with ten minutes to go when the fucking thing hits.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

KATE MOSS WILL NOT FACE COCAINE CHARGES DUE TO LACK OF EVIDENCE

Presumably she's snorted the whole lot by now.

EXHIBIT A


Kate Moss snorts cocaine.

EXHIBIT B


Kate Moss cuts cocaine.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

HERO OR VILLAIN?


Until the age of 30 I hated cats. As a child our family had a cat, Jerry, but my dad ran him over pulling the car into the drive one day and grandad had to bury him in the garden.
After a spell of no cats, I always found it difficult to get attached to the buggers, moody, self-pleasing, and nowhere near as much fun as a dog.
But the cats I didn't like were cats I didn't really know.
Over the past ten years I have shared houses with two people that own cats, and both of the felines help me understand that cats don't love you, you have to love them. I like them now.
Anyway, I'm off subject.
This cat is Tee Cee. Interesting not only because he shares my initials, but because he is one of four cats nominated for "Hero Cat of the Year".
Apparently, Tee Cee can predict the complex epileptic fits of owner Michael Edmonds. When Tee Cee gets close and stares at Michael, a fit is on its way:
"We noticed that Tee Cee began staring at my step-father prior to a seizure and then ran to my mother to let her know all is not well, acting as an early warning system," says Michael's step-daughter Samantha Laidler, who nominated the cat for the award.
"Once assistance arrives," she added, "Tee Cee doesn't leave Michael's side until he regains consciousness and his warnings have proved invaluable to the family."
Now this is all very well, and obviously Tee Cee, who was dumped in a river as a kitten and then rescued, is seen as a real hero in Sheffield where he lives.
But let's just ponder this.
What if Michael is actually cured somehow of his terrible fits, and it's Tee Cee's evil stare that sets them off?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

E.R. ON TOUR: NOW IT'S FRANCE


Bonjour from sunny south west France. I've got to stay here a whole week. Sigh. Just off to watch France vs Switzerland in a bar.
Allez Les Bleus, or something...

ALZHEIMERS VACCINE "SUCCESSFULLY TESTED ON MICE"


Apparently after using the treatment they could remember their name and date of birth again, but still occasionally lost their car keys down the back of the sofa.

HEATHER MILLS "MCCARTNEY" TO SUE OVER CLAIMS SHE WAS A PROSTITUTE IN HER 20s


Earning money by fucking rich men? As if Heather would do such a thing in her 20s. In her 30s, maybe...

Monday, June 12, 2006

THREE GUANTANAMO SUICIDES "A PR STUNT" TO GET ATTENTION SAYS US ASST SECRETARY OF STATE COLLEEN GRAFFY

Yeah, great stunt.
It obviously worked, as "apparently" they've been let out now - without charge.

US BULLSHIT GOES ON - EVEN OVER THE DEATH OF THIS EVIL FUCK


You would think that the one story in Iraq that America would get straight would be the death of their number one target - Iraqi al-qaeda leader Abu Masabal Zarqawi.
Yet even about this evil fuck the USA can't help telling a pack of lies.
Firstly it was reported that he died in the aerial attack on a house by an American chopper.
Fair enough, all sounds fine.
Yet next, Major General William Caldwell tells Fox News that Zarqawi was still alive after the attack and was put on a stretcher by Iraqi police "who were the first to arrive at the scene".
Slightly odd that Iraqi police were first to arrive on the scene of a highly targeted and secret operation by the US military.
Especially when, as Donald Rumsfeld later confusingly announced "special US forces had taken up positions in a palm grove around the house after the decision was taken to bomb it and were first on the scene."
So a US chopper drops a bomb on its most wanted terrorist in Iraq, with special forces hiding in a palm grove around it, yet, with civil war going on around them, an understaffed Iraqi police force is not only the first to arrive, but has the time to put Zarqawi, still alive, onto a stretcher?
With all this bullshit surrounding one of America's few successful operations in Iraq, what fucking chance have we got about getting the truth about murdered Iraqi civillians?
Even in the face of a tiny non-significant but publicly reassuring victory such as this, the spin doctors of the US military manage to fuck up the story so many times it already looks like a sham.
One wonders whether Zarqawi blew himself up with one of his bomb-making chums by mistake, and was found by police, and then eventually tracked down by the US military who didn't even have a fucking clue he was there.
Right now, that seems more believable than anything coming out of Rumsfeld's murderous shite-filled lying gob.

"THEY ARE PISSING IN OUR BOOTS AND TELLING US IT'S RAINING" 

-------MY COPY IS YOUR RIGHT E.R. 2006------- 

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