Saturday, April 22, 2006


Meet John Gummer.
Here he is, as the Conservative government's Environment Minister, with his daughter in 1990.
Feeding her a hamburger to prove that British beef is safe, and that Mad Cow Disease was not a threat to humans.
Two weeks later the French banned imports of British beef because of the fear our cattle was infected with BSE, a deadly virus that could mutate to humans.
Because Mr Gummer and his government had created the legislation which allowed the remains of cows that were inedible to be fed back to cattle, a hardy disease like BSE slowly spread through British herds.
Amazingly, the French were condemned for over reacting.
It was SIX YEARS until the government finally admitted a connection between CJD, a human variant of the virus of which people were starting to die, and BSE in British beef.
Mr Gummer had known of the connection much earlier, and knew of rumours of a risk when this picture was taken, but for fear of causing a collapse in the export of beef, he kept the party line.
And gave his daughter a hamburger.
Eventually whole herds of cattle were shot by the army and burnt in pyres across the British countryside. British beef was banned around the world, trade restrictions that lasted 10 years, many only repealed last month.
Today, CJD cases are growing again in the UK, as the virus has a dormant period of anything up to 25 years in humans.
Mr Gummer and any non vegetarians that ate British beef, particularly offal packed in cheap pies and the like, from the early 80s to the mid 90s (roughly Thatcher's term), still have the chance of developing the disease, which eats wormholes into your brain and leaves you a vegetable, and eventually dead.
Mr Gummer tried to make his daughter eat this burger even though there could have been a threat to her health, in a bid to keep him and the government in work.
It was a decision that quite rightly later ended his political career.
Who could ever trust a man that could stoop so low as to put his own daughter at risk for personal political benefit and corrupt commercial gain?
Who could ever trust a man like this to do the right thing?
Who could believe that a cunt like this could ever be employed in a government position again, let alone anything to do with the environment?
The health of the nation, its welfare, and the welfare of millions of consumers of British beef world wide were betrayed by this morally corrupt, despicable little man.
The current Conservative leader David Cameron has just appointed him head of the Conservative party's policy group on climate change.
Just in case you were thinking of voting for the "new green" Tory Party in next month's local elections, just remember who their mates are.
English Ranter does.
Their mates are cunts.

Friday, April 21, 2006


What a complete pile of cock. Manchester United, owned by Malcolm Glazier, owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, is to receive £30,000 of UK Lottery money "to get its staff fit".
Considering over 40 of its staff are professional footballers, over half of whom are paid more than £30,000 a week, AND ARE FULL TIME PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES you wouldn't think they need the money.
Added to that, while everyone knows the Lotto is a tax on the poor, even the poor might have thought it was going to somebody in a wheelchair or some poor fucker without anywhere to live.
Not a bunch of employees that work for a billionaire, make a profit every year, and who already have half a dozen of the world's finest fitness coaches within the same building.
This isn't an anti-Man United rant. They are a profit making organisation. If a bunch of pussies in Lotto house give them £30k of course they'll fucking take it.
It's the final nail in the Lotto coffin. Voluntary organisations and those in need can't get a look in because to apply for a Lotto grant you need to be a form-filling mathematical resourceful and persuasive genius.
People don't work in voluntary organisations to fill in forms, they work in them to help out those who need it. It's the fucking process. Everyone wants a process. But it's a process that only the able-bodied, literate, English-as-a-first-language, employed and middle class invented so that only they can score from it.
It's a fucking disgrace that any PLC can claim Lotto money. At the very least this money might have paid to extending the disabled access or helping local kids-in-need a Saturday treat, but to be honest these should be covered by access-for-all legislation and a club with a sense of community. Not charity money.
A tax break for staff fitness is a good idea, maybe, but Lotto money?
Even education leaflets at the local doctor's surgery or even an extra nurse would keep more people who need it more well.
Idiots, idiots, idiots.
The Lotto qualifies as an full time member of the pissing-in-our-boots-club. Save your money for Sport Relief or Comic Relief.
Not this charitable Hand Relief the Lotto is giving out.

From Blogger to Broadsheet...

The UK's Guardian newspaper decided to come to you know where when they wanted a blogger's view on grandma Windsor. This piece appeared on page two of the main section of today's paper.
Ok so they took all the swearing out... but you know, it's good, innit..?

Thursday, April 20, 2006


What a fucking piss-take.
See this pic of this old woman, the Queen, well it's the official picture for her 80th birthday.
It's in every paper in Britain today.
But one contact tells me this pic, taken by Lord Snowdon, the Queen's cousin, is a nice little coin-earner for Royal Cunts Inc.
Even though she apparently belongs to us, it will cost £300 for 24 hours use of this picture on one UK news website outlet.
And where does the money go to?
To Lord Fucking Snowdon.
Bunch of cunts, honestly.
Maybe any hacks could find out if their papers were screwed to publish the pic as well.
The Royal Family - They are Pissing In Our Boots, Shitting In Our Shoes, and Wanking On Our Pants. And telling us the weather's a bit unusual for the time of year.
Complete Utter Fuckers.


I am extremely grateful to the sender of this quite "astonishing" E.R. mug, which shall now be my loyal companion while making this blog.
Just what was in the mind of the person that created this "souvenir" is beyond me.
Look at the little legs! Mind you, it was 1977. The drugs worked in them days.
E.R. fully intends to take over the E.R. brand, currently being exploited by a bunch of rich cunts called The Windsors.
As soon as Liz is out the way, our trademark team are gonna be all over it like an oil spill on a off-shore nature reserve.
Once again, thanks to the unwarranted but very welcome generosity of its lovely sender for this spectacular item of extreme taste, dignity and pure decadence.
Earl Grey will never taste the same again.
If you'd like to send E.R. something (no poos in shoeboxes please, we've got the full set) then enquire by email below.


I think that's his new chief of staff on the left with the ears... and the guy on the right is all set to become the new press spokesperson.
Can't be any worse I guess.
Unfortunately everyone has forgotten about the girl in the middle. Maybe if Bush hadn't, he wouldn't be in this mess.
Image nicked from the excellent


Gotta love ABC news tonight...
"And so we ask: What's with the high gas prices? And is it going to get better, or worse?"
Ok so here it is - and this is not what they told you on ABC news:
1. You started an illegal war with one of the world's biggest oil producers, and the country is now in tatters and approaching civil war. Your soldiers have killed more civilians than Saddam managed in 30 years. Consequently the odds of any oil coming America's way even if they do sort the place out are slim.
2. Some people think you will do the same to the country next door.
3. Communism, a system you maintained could never work, has pulled 400 million people out of poverty in China, and their funny wonky money is just as valid as your precious greenback. They ain't very rich, but they soon will be, there are a billion of them, and their economy is growing at 40%. There are a quarter of a billion of you, and your economy is growing at 4%.
They also are making friends with the world's biggest oil producers, while you are making war.
4. Nigeria, another major oil producer, is also on the brink of civil war, not great for supply (which drives up price, economics fans, geddit?).
5. This is the big one. IT'S FUCKING RUNNING OUT YOU TWATS. Dr Johnson once said people should invest in land "because it's the one thing they're not making any more of." The same could be said of oil.
Which is why oil companies sponsored a war-mongering-monkey into office (and you lot voted for him, haha), so that their shares in the little oil they own would jump through the roof and make you lot pay through the nose at the gas pumps, or whatever you call them over there.
Last year oil companies returned tax breaks given to them by Bush for exploration because there isn't any left to look for.
No matter how much war you make, how many countries you fuck up, it is running out.
And when things run out, they get more expensive.
Get used to it.
Ok I'm done.
(And so are you.)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


This little fella decided he'd like to join the Arsenal defence at Highbury tonight.
So far he hasn't been needed.
They home side lead Villareal in the first leg of the European Cup semi final 1-0.
He was eventually shoo-ed off to an exit to a chorus of "There's only one squirrel!"
The game is being watched by over 300 million people in 175 countries around the world.
If you like football, you'll be vaguely interested in

QUEEN "WILL NEVER ABDICATE" - OFFICIAL (obviously she'd kill herself if she had to see Camilla on the throne)

The Queen's best mate and cousin said today she will never abdicate.
"It's a job for life," said posh old dear Rt Hon Margaret Rhodes about the scumsucking role. And so it is.
The only way you get sacked is revolution, let's face it.
And we haven't looked like having one of them recently.
Or ever come to think of it.
Talk of her future is abound because this year, once again paid for by us, the queen is celebrating a birthday - her 80th. Today she had a "party" with other 80-year-olds born on the same day at that manor of the insipid class-maintained fuckwits that is Buckingham Palace.
The guests we were assured were ordinary people. Yeah I saw.
White ones.
The place must of smelt of medication, stale piss, smoked salmon and eau de crabtree and evelyn.
All washed down with the finest sherry, of course.
This absolutely is a change of plan by the Queen, who in no way was planning to give it the old pope-style exit. But she just doesn't wanna see that old slag Charles' has plumped for Queen-it-up for one single day. Abdication is the dignity of running your own shop. I'm pleased it's all fucked up.
Bit of luck she'll go gaga but live to a 130 and we'll only see pictures of our monarch when they've wiped the dribble of her face and she hasn't shat her own pants.


Why doesn't that surprise me...
The England Captain stepped in after rumours of a rift between two England stars Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney.
Rooney, a 20-year-old footballing genius and Shrek look-a-like, had supposedly lost $1.3 million US dollars in gambling debts to someone Owen had introduced him to.
If you like football (that's soccer to our American guests and royalty), please visit the latest addition to the E.R. empire,, for a kickabout with all things to do with this year's finals.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

DESERT CRAPS ON BEIJING EVERY NIGHT - while Chinese drum up more trade with the US

THE CHINESE city of Beijing, with a population of 13 million people, is currently under an inch of sand, raining down on the city each night.
No one is reporting it in the UK, but the Chinese government have been releasing information on their official website.
They freely admit that a deforrestation project in Outer Mongolia means the city's problems are getting worse, as sand blows from the desert across flatlands which were once forests.
When it reaches Beijing, already one of the world's most polluted cities, it is held in clouds of polluted gas and drops when the temperature falls at night.
Road sweepers and washers are out in force, but apparently Chinese contact wearers are having a nightmare. Outdoor swimming pools aren't what they were either.
China's pollution problems are severe, even though the average Chinaman currently uses only one sixth of the world's resources each day when compared to the average American.
China announced yesterday that their economy had grown 10% in the first quarter of this year, following a 40% increase in 2005, and the President of China is currently in the USA in an attempt to increase trade.

Not so cleverly..

Found this on the doorstep this morning.
Kids today, eh?
Terrible spelling. Just like my day.


Katie asks if he can wait until after it's born. Cheers.

Monday, April 17, 2006

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next.

Donald Rumsfeld knew this kind of stuff was going on.
He was on the phone every week to chiefs at Guantanamo, and according to the Lt Gen in charge, got blow-by-blow accounts of the "interrogation" of prisoners.
His advice, according to a new report you've already read at
"There are no limits".

People you wouldn't think I've met, but I have # 7: Sir Jimmy Saville

I met Sir Jimmy in 1989, on the set of his then TV "hit" Jim'll Fix It.
Jim was the original presenter of Top Of The Pops, and in the 1960s was one of Britain's biggest DJs.
As age caught up with him and music overtook him, the BBC tried to keep him in work, developing a show in which Jim "would make a dream come true" for children, called Jim'll Fix It.
None of the work was actually done by Jim, and he spent no money on the show, and all the outside broadcast footage of kids getting their dream never involved him being present.
I never really liked Jim.
When I was 8-years-old, I used to walk to school with a girl called Evelyn. Evelyn had breathing troubles - nothing life threatening, but some birth defect meant her nasal passages didn't work properly and she had limited breathing through her nose, and often had to breath through her mouth. Difficult when you eat and drink, and as a child she was taunted for a funny voice, forever like someone with a cold and blocked nose.
With this in mind, Evelyn did what any other 8-year-old would do in the mid 70s, she wrote to Jim to fix her nose for her.
So out he comes on his TV show, and he always had a warm up bit about kids asking impossible fixes at the beginning. Stuff like "Dear Jim can you fix it for me to go in a rocket to the moon" and "Dear Jim can you fix it for me to be able to swim with sharks".
Ha ha.
Ho ho.
Anyway, so next on his list was "Now then now then, what have we here, a letter from 8-year old-Evelyn, and Evelyn says 'Dear Jim can you fix it for me to have a new nose'."
And Jim, without reading the rest of the letter about her condition, milks it for laughter from the 10-year-olds in the audience, and then says "Ha ha, Evelyn, no I can't".
Then he says "Don't write letters to me about something no one can do anything about! You put up with your nose, like we all do!".
And that was it.
Then some kid gets to go in a glider or play tennis with virginia wade and thank Jim for making it all happen.
And Evelyn, her last shot at a new nose shot down in flames, and made into a 5 second piss-taking gag for Mr Fix It here. On Monday morning on our walk to school, Evelyn never mentioned it, and neither did I.
Anyway, so when I get to go into the same studio as him 15 years later as an adult I'm keen to see what he's like.
A 7-year-old kid comes out in front of Jim, who is going through rehearsals.
says Jim, as though he was speaking to a BBC cleaner "you sit there, you shut up, and you answer what I ask you. Clear?"
The scared 7-year-old nods, and looks for her mum.
He was the rudest man I've ever met, and I didn't really meet him.
I just watched him treat kid after kid like they were a bit of dirt, meanwhile turning on his charm for the show to look like some kind miracle worker.
I was pleased when a documentary by Louis Theroux, son of author Paul Theroux, seemed to come to the same conclusion.
Jimmy Saville is a sick cocksucking fucker that doesn't like kids in the way you thought, and will do anything to massage his MASSIVE ego created by a moment in time, the 1960s, and forever craved again by his sad, lonely, sick soul.


Ahoy, and indeed hoy.

English Ranter would like to thank its readers, friends and contributors for their continued support of this blog.
It'll be good one day, honest.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

The Three Degrees That Prove We're Getting It Wrong

When will I see you, again?
That's what we'll be asking of the 400 million people who the UK Government's senior scientific advisor (not a man known for scare stories) predicts will die because of the environmental catastrophe we are all contributing to.
Britain turned energy-negative today, and is using energy at three times the rate than the world can afford. It happened a couple of years ago in America, where they use 5 times the rate the world can afford.
This continued abuse of the world's fragile resources is contributing to raising world temperatures by three degrees celcius, enough to make barren huge swathes of the world currently farmed and inhabited by some 400 million people.
While capitalists insist that their system is the best way to ration the wealth of the world, it is killing it.
Here are some bizarre examples of capitalism at work, in all its efficient glory.
* The UK imports 465 tons of gingerbread every year.
* The UK exports 460 tons of gingerbread every year.
* The UK imports 3,952 tons of boneless chicken from France every year.
* The UK exports 5,417 tons of boneless chicken to France every year.
There are dozens of more of them.
Milk, flowers, cement, sugar. All of it the same stuff.
Lorries up and down Europe moving identical goods from one place to another. Ships, airlplanes, cars, all moving the same fucking stuff to and fro.
So why?
What fucking idiot would set up a system like this when we don't have the energy to move all this stuff?
It's not quality or manufacture, and it's not because it's seasonal.
It's because we're free to do what we want if we want to export or import. Because trade rules. We rule.
No one cares if we fly the stuff around the world 100 fucking times and fly it to the moon before it gets there. As long as we're free to do it.
And so it goes on.
And on.
And on.


-------MY COPY IS YOUR RIGHT E.R. 2006------- 

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